Psychic medium, Birdie, shares her first paranormal experiences, including those that she does not even remember but were logged within her mother’s diary as Birdie and Robert hypothesize if there is a physical trigger to enabling the human connection to the paranormal.
TRANSCRIPT ● SPIRIT DIARIES ● EPISODE 003
[Introspective piano music playing with indiscernible whispers behind it]
Birdie: Hello and welcome to the Spirit Diaries podcast. My name is Birdie.
Robert: And mine’s Robert.
Birdie: And we are your hosts!
Robert: [singing] Welcome to the podcast!
[uncomfortable silence]
Birdie: Should I continue? I don’t know-I didn’t know if I was supposed to add on to that.
[laughter]
Robert: You don’t have to.
Birdie: I was not expecting that [laughs] I’m shaking.
Robert: [laughs] I gave you anxiety I don’t know the rest of the lyrics-
Both: to this song! [laughs]
Birdie: For those of you just joining us, welcome to this podcast. We share all things spooky including stories of us both growing up with ghosts, living in haunted houses and going on scary adventures.
Robert: Fun.
Birdie: They are fun. They are afterward. In the moment I’m like, “Are they fun?” and I’m like, “No, this is dumb. I hate this.” There’s footage of me saying that it’s dumb and I hate this and then you know within 24 hours I’m like that was the greatest thing ever! I think we should do it again! [laughs]
Robert: And then we get to the next place and you’re like I don’t want to do this ever again!
[laughter]
Birdie: It’s funny. 24 hours and I’m like yeah, I think I love that.
Robert: Refreshed. It’s like you just forget all the trauma.
Birdie: Right? Yeah.
Robert: I just hide that in the back of my brain. [laughs]
Birdie: So strange. We want to say a special thank you to our new patrons so thank you for joining Patreon: Julie, Jennifer M. and Melissa! And a special thank you to Chemically Feline who upgraded their pledge and is now a Fae.
Robert: Whoooooooooooo! I don’t what that was.
Birdie: Fairy. Well depending on what type of Fae you want to be. What type of Fae would you be?
Robert: I’m probably one that’s mean.
Birdie: Really?
Robert: Probably.
Birdie: Which one?
Robert: I’d totally mess with people. I don’t know.
Birdie: Just an angry fae?
Robert: Yeah, I’d be like argh Humanity.
Birdie: I think . . . hmm. Oh, there’s so many good ones. Which do I choose? I think I would be a tree spirit only because I think it would be cool to live in the forest or . . . Oh, wait! Mermaids are a type of Fae, right?
Robert: Technically.
Birdie: I would be mermaid.
Robert: Yeah. I feel like that’s a given.
Birdie: Duh. [laughs] Okay, today we are going to talk about the origin story of me and my weirdness.
[laughter]
Birdie: Great. Are we ready for all this unpacking of trauma?
Robert: Yes.
Birdie: Really?
Robert: Yeah, go for it.
Birdie: I’m not. Okay. So, I was born dying and this is what makes me theorize that, perhaps hypothesize, I should say, that maybe this is what screwed me up.
[laughter]
Birdie: Because as a science-minded person I am constantly trying to figure out why do I have mediumistic tendencies – if that’s the word we want to use. Where did this come from? How did it start? Why doesn’t this happen for everyone? And basically, from a psychology standpoint trying to figure out what happened to my brain to make this a thing.
Robert: You’re a changeling. [laughs]
Birdie: Oh, okay. Not gonna lie, not gonna lie. The first time I heard of changelings I was like oh fuck! I was like could this be a thing? [laughs] Perhaps. That would be cool. But, yeah, I don’t think I’m that cool. There is a part of me who wants to be like way more fantasy oriented and be like yes, I’m totally a changeling. But, no. Not that cool. So, I believed that this NDE I had when I was a child was probably the trigger of my mediumship abilities because everything I was searching for in journal articles and scientific studies of psychic phenomena and where it comes from . . . a lot of them were stemmed from after people had an NDE or a near-death experience. I thought perhaps this is why I’ve seen spirit since birth because right after birth I had an NDE. But this is where this storyline thickens. Basically, Spirit Diaries started a few years ago after I had received a diary from my mom. She basically wrote letters to me. Some were sweet. Some were telling me how rotten I was.
Robert: More rotten than sweet, I feel like.
[laughter]
Birdie: You’re a horrible child and one day when you have a child you will understand and it’s like . . . haha! I’ve never had a child!
Robert: Gotcha!
[Laughter]
Birdie: I always heard that growing up. You just wait till you have a child who hates you. Too bad. Not gonna happen. But I received my mom’s diary and I actually found out I did die right after being born. I was dead for a few moments before I was resuscitated and then I was like, “Wow, this changes everything!” And that’s when I decided I need to share my story because this is incredible for research purposes. So why this struck me as like so crazily significant of that I actually died, is as an adult I did a past life regression, which is where you go into a meditative hypnotic sort of state and you bring your mind back and back and back and try to remember your birth and your past lives. I did one guided by Brian Weiss who is a huge name in past life regressions and he’s done a lot of studies on it. Dr. Brian Weiss. It was pretty interesting. When I did this regression, I was in the delivery room and I saw my mom. I saw my baby body. And I was standing there and there were two black figures, one on each side of me, and I was very upset and I did not want to go into my little baby body for whatever reason. I was like, “Ugh, I don’t want to do that.” And then all of a sudden that was it. That was all I remember. Was this memory real? Probably not. Maybe. The thing that makes me think that this regression was somewhat significant is that I had no idea I died. I had always heard like oh you know my birth was very rough, that there was priests around and they were praying. People were in a chapel praying. Doctors had told my parents like, “This is it. She’s a goner.” It was very, very serious and I had known that but I didn’t know that I actually died. What’s really cool is if this regression was that moment. Is there something to be said? I don’t know.
Robert: And that is interesting. Were you just like standing there like, “well shit. We tried let’s just call it a day. I really don’t want to jump back in” type of thing.
Birdie: Well, right. And if we do believe that the regression is true, which I’m not saying it is. It could totally be like bullshit. I don’t know. But if it is true what if I was never even in that body. What if that body was soulless? What if there was another soul in that body and I kicked it out? That goes to the changeling thing! [laughs]
Robert: Yeah. If your body died and then you’re like, “Well I guess I’m gonna jump in” were you in there already?
Birdie: Right? An empty vessel?
Robert: Was it a free ride? [laughs]
Birdie: Yeah, I don’t know. And that’s all saying if this regression is believed to be true. Which we can’t even take it as the truth because there’s no proof that any of that is real. But I do think it’s highly strange and coincidental that I did that several years before I found out I had actually died at that moment. Freaky. What was also a little bit more compelling about this regression is during that same regression I had saw myself looking in a mirror, which was a part of the exercise. You were supposed to look at yourself and see what you were wearing in this lifetime so when you went back further to see your own body and kind of see what you looked like in the past lifetime. I’m so nervous . . . because it’s strange. I don’t under-I don’t understand. I don’t understand how this works. I think it bothers me as somebody who wants to know how everything works. I-I just . . . I don’t know. I’m kind of speechless. It-it baffles me. So, during the same regression I was looking at myself in my bedroom mirror and I had seen I was wearing this like pink dress and these white shoes with straps and these white lacy socks and I looked at my finger and I was wearing this like little gold pinky ring and I thought what a significant outfit because there are many signature outfits I wore as a little kid and that was not an outfit that I had any recollection of. So, I did call my mom and ask like, “Hey, Mom. Do you remember this random outfit?” I don’t think I told her I did a regression because that’s weird. Who does that? I was just like, “Yeah, I had a strange memory.” I asked her about it and she’s like, “That is so freaky!” [laughs] Great!
Robert: [laughs] Same inflection and everything.
Birdie: I can hear her say, “That is so freaky!” So, yeah. She said the weirdest thing is that exact outfit you described belonged to my aunt who had died prior to me being born and that was the outfit she wore and it had been given to me. They dressed me up in it once and got super scared when they put the clothes on me because I went to sleep and I immediately assumed the exact position my aunt was known to sleep in.
Robert: Oh weird.
Birdie: She died as a very young child from a malpractice suit in a hospital. She had very specific mannerisms because she was not well physically. When I wore the outfit, I had taken on her mannerisms. Unbeknownst to me, my family had theorized that I was her reincarnated which totally freaks me out.
Robert: That is weird. But also, another theory could be is that those were literally her clothes. You’re super empathetic. You could have picked up a mannerism, like you do in any of our locations that we go to. You’ll start picking up mannerisms that aren’t yours.
Birdie: I totally agree and I believe this to be the case. I think that was a sign of psychicness and I picked up the mannerism and that was my form of channeling the spirit of her, as a child. She was also non-verbal so me being physical could have been a sign for her to communicate to them. We’ll see this in locations when we go. Specifically in Randolph County Asylum, downstairs, if you watch our footage I actually start stuttering and it wasn’t until I reviewed the footage that we found out that Doris, the spirit in the basement, stuttered. I find that so fascinating because I didn’t stutter throughout any of the other locations except when I channeled Doris and was talking with a stutter.
Robert: Yeah, that was super strange.
Birdie: That was so weird and that’s something I didn’t know and I didn’t even know that until we got home and I reviewed footage. How those work is: we go, Robert tells me nothing, we film after I do my reading, you tell me just like enough right to validate me but you don’t get to go through everything.
Robert: No. It’s more of a quick rundown of the place. Saying you’re right here, and here. Okay, let’s grab the equipment.
Birdie: Yeah. It’s very fast. We literally run with cameras in our hands during filming. There’s not a second down and most of it I don’t realize until I watch the footage when I get home and I’m like, “oh my god, did you know this?”
Robert: And it’s like, yeah. I couldn’t tell you in the moment.
Birdie: It’s this huge thing of asking did you know this person did this? And you’re like, “Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you.” Even at Randolph County I was like, “oh they’re talking about somebody named Kate” and you’re like, “No, that doesn’t match” in the moment and then when I was editing the episode the tour guide’s name was Kate.
Robert: Yeah, it completely slipped my mind. That has nothing to do with the history of this place. Not realizing it’s the lady giving me the tour of the place.
Birdie: Well and I think that’s so strange and I think that’s what I really want to share with this podcast. Mediumship doesn’t work very clearly. It’s very strange and even if you get something right, you don’t even know all the time that it’s right. That took me . . . what we filmed in April and we found out in like August. I found that out several months later to where I was just like, “Dang! I was so wrong!”
[laughter]
Robert: Nope! Surprise!
Birdie: This wasn’t the only weird thing. When I was two, and I was reading this diary my mom left me, I told my mom that I was watching them from heaven and I chose them because I wanted to go to Disney.
Robert: Priorities were in check.
Birdie: [laughs] That’s so me though. I would be somebody, if all of this is true, I would totally have been the spirit who’s like, “Um . . . I need a family who lives close to Disney” and found somebody within a very close radius of Disney World, who actively went to Disney World and be like, “Yeah, them. Fine, fine, fine. I’ll take it.”
Robert: What’s one of your requirements for this life? Some of the Mickey ears, please.
[laughing]
Birdie: Obviously this is something that I think is so hard with kids who do talk about life prior to this. We see this in cases all the time and researchers see this in cases all the time of children who speak of lives prior to this. I was just talking to a mom who had a child experience psychic events and life prior to this one and was accurate with what they were saying. I think a lot of kids use terms like ‘heaven’ or use terms like ‘the clouds’ or something because I don’t think at that young of an age there’s a vocabulary available to really explain. My family was very heavily Christian when I was a child so I knew of Heaven which made the most sense I think to me at two years old. If you’re not alive you’re in heaven, so I’ve seen you before. I was watching you. And how creepy is that? What would you do if your kid came up it was like, “Yeah, I’ve been watching you from heaven.” That’s so scary.
Robert: [laughs] You look different from this angle!
Birdie: I was talking to this mom about this recently about how, don’t get wigged out with a kid. This is something that’s so normal for kids to where that doesn’t even register as something strange to say. As an adult you’re like, “what the heck!?” and I think that’s something I experienced lot as a child is not being believed or being treated like I was some alien. I think it’s super important if you do know a kid or if you do have a kid who’s experiencing psychic phenomenon not to treat it as the, “oh my God!” I know it’s so easy. I don’t know what I would do if we had a child and our child was like, “Mom, are ghosts real because there’s a guy without a head in my room.” No!
Robert: There’s dead people on the ceiling! I’d be like, “Okay. Go to your room.
[laughter]
Birdie: How do you handle that? My parents handled it by trying to take me to the doctor multiple times. My mom wrote this in her diary: that they took me to the doctors before I turned three for various reasons including me dragging myself out of the dark and escaping from my crib whenever I was left alone in the dark before I could even crawl.
Robert: Just imagine a baby you, just like Rambo military crawling through the carpet. Like, “No!”
Birdie: Yeah. I was very actively scared of the dark for a very long time. Typically, when it was darker is when I would have more spirit activity happen. I was really scared of it, always. I was not comfortable for a very long time with dealing with what happened when there was a spirit around. Part of me thinks maybe baby me was like, “Oh! Spirit!” So scary. But the doctor said some kids develop fast. Maybe this one doesn’t like being alone in a room. My parents didn’t really believe in the paranormal when I was growing up. They, in my perception, did not believe me when I told them things. I would tell them some of the things I experienced and they’d be like, “Oh, no. Ghosts aren’t real. Monsters aren’t real. That’s just the fish tank. You’re not hearing voices at night. That was a coincidence. That’s not happening.
Robert: We haven’t had the fish tank in three years! It wasn’t the fish tank!”
Birdie: Yeah . . . it bothered me a lot growing up because I felt crazy because I didn’t feel like I was believed. I didn’t feel like I was taken seriously. At the same time, in my parent’s defense, they were just trying to handle it the best they could. How do you tell a little girl who’s terrified of the darkness and is scared, yes sweetie you can see monsters and you’re the only one.
Robert: It’s okay. It’s just dead people. They’re fine.
Birdie: Right? I’m angry that I was not believed and/or accepted but I also now as an adult understand like I don’t know how to handle that.
Robert: What do you do? What do you say?
Birdie: [laughs] It really bothered me when I got this diary and realized that so much of what my mom had wrote were paranormal experiences. It was sort of heartbreaking to realize like my parents were kind of aware the entire time that there was something off about my experiences and yet growing up I was made to believe like I was imagining it all. It really hurt my feelings. So, of course all of this stuff was happening before I can even remember. This is all pre three years old that this has happened. Which I think it’s crazy that there is that much recording of my weird paranormal life before I can remember.
Robert: It’s great because it’s someone else who recorded it of you. It’s not you going. “I believe I have these abilities.” It’s someone else before you could even speak recording that she’s got some abilities.
Birdie: Yeah, it was scary to read because it was this weird moment. This is not why I got my mom’s diary. I got it for a totally unrelated reason and upon reading it I was just like, oh my gosh, what?!
Robert: Everything makes sense now!
[laughing]
Birdie: I’m pretty sure that day is when I recorded the original podcast episode because I was like, “That’s it! I’m telling everyone!” I think it was that first moment of real validation. Like, “Aha! You did know! You knew!” [laughs]
Robert: I like the phone call like, “Yeah, that happened.” You’re just like, “What?!” [laughs]
Birdie: I know. When I confronted them, they’re like, “Yeah. All that’s true.” The first paranormal experience I can personally remember is when I was five-ish. It’s hard for me to remember exactly how old I was. I would have to say it was five to six based on the time period of what was happening around that and the color of the carpet. [laughs] That’s how I base my time periods. What color was the carpet in that memory? Blue. Oh . . . Blue carpet. Did you have blue carpet?
Robert: No. We did not.
Birdie: I feel like so many people had blue carpet back in the early 90s.
Robert: I think we had gray. I think our carpet was a dark gray.
Birdie: Or pink. A lot of people had pink carpets. The blue was awful. It looks like the ocean.
Robert: No, it doesn’t.
[laughter]
Birdie: So, there was a woman in our family room and she sat on the couch and she was heavy set. She was wearing this muumuu type of outfit. Almost like an old lady nightgown. Her hair was drawn back in a bun. It was gray and she looked flesh and bone. I did not realize that she was a spirit. I thought she was a neighbor or somebody in our family. My family had people over all the time. My mom was friends with all the neighbors who would be over all the time. We had a lot of elderly neighbors so I didn’t really assume that . . . I mean my first assumption would not be that this lady’s a spirit. That didn’t even cross my mind. So, I would talk to her all the time and I have actual memories of me sitting on the ground and looking up at this lady on our couch and talking to her. I see her so clearly. I don’t know. It’s baffling to me. I didn’t realize that this lady wasn’t real until several years later. In my adult life I had like came out to my parents and been like, “Mom, Dad, I’m a medium.” And of course, I was so panicked. My heart was pounding and I hadn’t talked about spiritual stuff with my parents in ages. So, when I like told them I was expecting an “oh my gosh!” I don’t know. I was expecting some sort of . . .
Robert: Shock or something.
Birdie: That’s a weird thing to like come out and say.
Robert: You’re not sure what reaction you’re gonna get, but not the one that you did get.
Birdie: Which was . . .
Robert: Yeah, that makes sense.
[laughing]
Birdie: Yes, and?
Robert: Yeah, right. It was very nonchalant.
Birdie: Anyways, today we went to the grocery store . . .
Robert: Dad bought two apples. We were only supposed to get one. Wait how’d you just go dad brought two apples we were only supposed to get one. It’s like, wait, how’d you just go into your problems? Did you not hear the last sentence that happened? [laughs]
Birdie: Right? I know. I know. Oh my gosh. I just . . . oh. They told me um when I asked about that lady, because said by the way, who was that person. At this point, being an adult, I’m like wait a second . . . Was that a paranormal experience? After having so many and realizing the very minute differences between human communication and spirit communication, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been better able to differentiate right. Growing up it was very difficult for me to tell if that is a living person or is that a dead person. A lot of them look so real. I couldn’t tell the difference. As I got older and as I began to more understand what was going on. I got better at being like, “Oh you’re a spirit!” And I started thinking back and I was like . . . wait this lady might have been a spirit. So, I asked and my parents were like, “Oh, yes. You would sit on the ground. You would have conversations with no one, and we even talked to the priest about it.
Robert: [laughs] I just imagine that conversation with the priest like . . . is my daughter possessed?
Birdie: And why they ended up talking to the priest about it was because I was using vocabulary that was so much older and strangely worded than things are. I still do this. There will be times that I use an archaic word or I spell things archaically and we’ll look it up and we’re like, “Wait. What? That word stopped being used in like the 1700s! Where did that come from?” And I guess I was doing something similar to that in that moment. My parents also said my vernacular had changed, so they were wigged out and knew something unusual was happening. So, they had talked to the priest because they had assumed . . . wait a second is she talking to a ghost?! And the priest said that mediums exist. This is something that happens. As long as it’s not negative, pretty much don’t address it. It’s really common in children and props to the priest for being super understanding and not saying, “Oh, it’s demons.”
Robert: Part of me thinks they might have thought that you’d grow out of it.
Birdie: I think they did. They explained it was common for children, that a lot of children have these experiences and if I ever asked to tell me that I was talking to an angel and that’s it. Solved! [laughs]
Robert: Done! The end of the podcast. You got it!
[laughing]
Birdie: Solved! Yeah, it was a very Christian and silly childlike answer but I understand if I was going to grow out of it and it was only a few experiences saying, “Oh, that’s an angel honey.” Cool. Angels. And then I’m playing with Barbies or something. But this kept happening and angels definitely would not have partaken in some of the activity I experienced as a child because if they did something’s wrong.
[laughter]
Birdie: The one thing I do remember from this conversation, I wish I could remember all of it but I was a young dumb kid and I remembered none of it besides this one quote that has always stuck with me because I just I thought it was so pretty and it also made me feel really dumb because I didn’t understand it and I thought it was silly as a kid. It’s something that always stuck out in my mind but this spirit lady had told me to see with my heart and not with my eyes and that is why I could see spirits and other people couldn’t because I was not seeing her with my eyes, I was seeing her with my heart.
Robert: That’s interesting.
Birdie: And I was like uh, dumb, you can’t see with your heart.
Robert: There’s no eyeballs, lady.
Birdie: Right! So as a kid this made no sense. As an adult I think it’s one of the most profound things and I use this as advice all the time for people who want to develop a psychic connection or for children who are experiencing something similar that I experienced. It is like empathy to the extreme and a lot of my perceptions of spirit are very empathetic based and I think was this spirit kind of telling me how it worked. No, it’s not with your eyeballs. This is not something with your eyes. I was so convinced of that for a long time. I was doing all those color tests and thought maybe I see more colors and if I see more colors maybe I have more rods or more cones. Maybe my eyes are different and that’s why I see spirits is because maybe my eye is biologically different. [laughs] Yeah, that was a theory I ran with for a very long time.
Robert: I got ghost cones in my eyeballs. [laughs]
Birdie: Are there extra ones? That one’s a demon cone. That one’s an angel cone. That one’s a . . .
Robert: Fairy cone?
Birdie: Fairy cone. [laughs] I don’t know.
[Something unexplained happens off camera and distracts hosts as they look for the source of the disturbance]
[laughing]
Birdie: Okay . . . I went down a track of craziness. What I did after I remembered this quote is Googled it because I thought this is all bullshit and I made this up. I don’t remember this quote. So, I looked it up and the closest thing I could find is one line in a song from Phantom of the Opera and it is somewhat similar to this notion of seeing with your heart and not with your eyes except here’s the kicker this had happened like right at the same time that that play would have just been starting and I obviously had no way of knowing anything about the Phantom of the Opera. I was incredibly sheltered. My parents were very strict and I was not allowed to consume like pretty much any media aside from the Disney Channel. Even Nickelodeon was a little risqué.
[Laughter]
Birdie: I would have had no way of coming into contact with that and even if I did there wasn’t any commercials that I could find or any like advertisements that had that portion of the song in there. Again, my parents just had no idea how to handle this and that’s essentially the whole thing of this story is they didn’t know what to do or what to say which led to me growing up my entire existence feeling isolated and alone and abandoned and hopeless and like I was experiencing some sort of mental problem that I didn’t understand because as much as I tried to ignore it, it didn’t go away. And as much as I tried to understand it, I couldn’t find any plausible explanation that made sense. As we’ll hear in these stories every friend who I like confided in of like, “Do you feel this too?” didn’t and it was really hard. It was really, really hard.
Robert: Until me and I was like, “Hey, you’re weird too!”
Birdie: Yeah. Story for another day. But I had sincerely grown up and I truly thought I had absolutely lost my mind and I think this is where a lot of my self-doubt and skepticism comes in. I do think the skepticism is a good thing because I cannot accept anything. I always research it just to make sure I can rule out any plausible explanation because paranormal is always my very last option if I couldn’t find anything. So, maybe. I know so many people are like, “Wait, if you see spirits how do you not believe yourself?” and it’s just one of those things to where I just want to make sure that I’m not going down a rabbit hole or over exaggerating. I don’t want to portray myself or I don’t want to convince myself of something that’s not true. That’s not what it’s about. I think the biggest issue is I don’t particularly like mediumship. This was not something I was comfortable with nor did I seek or want.
Robert: What?
Birdie: [laughs] Can you tell? I had a hard time with it and I very actively tried to pretend like it wasn’t a thing. Would you want mediumship?
Robert: No, I’m good.
Birdie: I mean without knowing me, before knowing me, was it ever something you thought about? Growing up like, well, what if I could talk to a ghost?
Robert: No.
Birdie: Really?
Robert: I just wanted fire powers.
Birdie: I also wanted fire powers. I always wanted to be Spider-Man when I grew up. I thought Spider-Man was the coolest and I was like I want to be Spider-Man. I want to save the world and I want to swing from a web.
Robert: I just remember sitting in my room just going . . . do it . . . fire . . . this time for sure . . . do it! [laughs] It never came.
Birdie: Oh, I’m sorry.
Robert: It’s okay. Sorry about your webs.
Birdie: Try one more time.
[flame rushing sound from a poorly edited in flame emoji as Robert opens his hand]
Birdie: Woah, Robert, look!
[screaming and laughing]
Birdie: You did it.
Robert: Thank you.
Birdie: But see now you don’t want it. It’s scary.
Robert: Yeah. [blows out emoji flame]
Birdie: So, I always thought I was imagining things until I got validation for the very first time and that’s a story for another day. We just want to say thank you again to our Fae level Patron Chemically Feline. It means the world to us that you support us and to all of our patrons we are so grateful for all of you. Thank you all for watching the podcast. If you can give it a thumbs up, subscribe, or leave it a five-star rating on your preferred podcast reviewing app like Spotify or apple podcast. And if you don’t want to give it to five stars just don’t bother. It’s okay we don’t need you to.
Robert: Fuck it. [laughs]
Birdie: And to all of you who are like you’re not a psychic medium . . . don’t worry I don’t care what you say. My parents didn’t believe me growing up. Nothing’s worse than that, so say what you will, I don’t care if you don’t believe me. I say this all the time I would not believe me. I still have a hard time believing me. It’s okay. This is not about believing me. This is more about sharing my life experience. It’s strange. What is the answer to it? We don’t have an explanation.
[laughing]
Robert: Maybe one day!
[laughing]
Birdie: What are you doing? Yeah, I’m just talking in a microphone about how strange I am and I feel like talking to strangers about this because nobody’s believed me my entire life and maybe just maybe somebody will find comfort in it. That’s ultimately what I hope is, I felt so excluded and alone as a kid. I wished somebody was able to talk about it openly, so, yeah, that’s why I put myself through this pain is to help people, hopefully [laughs] or just entertain you with how messed up my life has been. Oh god . . .
Robert: You poor kid.
Birdie: It’s been interesting. Thanks for watching the Spirit Diaries and we’ll see you next time. Okay, bye!
Robert: Bye!
[laughing]
Birdie: Aw, shit.
[introspective piano music plays]